At the risk of seeming like a COMPLETE flake (which by the way, I may be), I am requesting prayers for God's direction in the following possibilities.
I have an interview on Monday with the local junior college for a position in their writing lab. Please pray that I would get this position. I need it financially.
I am considering moving home to NJ. Please pray that if this is God's will, He would make it clear. I have applied for a job in a college library in NJ. If I get it, that may clarify God's will some. :)
While I tentatively decided to pursue teaching, I have put this on hold. It is not clear this is what God would have for me.
I am seeking my Savior's face. Fortunately, He has promised never to leave me or forsake me. Praise be to Him. I twist and turn so much, I'm sometimes not sure which way is up. Prayers that this "squirming" would stop would be appreciated. I want desperately what He wants. Pray that this would be clear.
Well, now you have a lot to pray for. Let me know how I can pray for you. :)
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
A direction
I finally have a direction. I have tentatively decided to get my teaching certificate. Whether or not I'll do that here in Texas or in NJ is yet to be determined. I will pursue the alternate route to certification in either place. Here in Texas, it would probably mean a move to Dallas. In New Jersey, I would need to live at home. It feels good to have made this tentative decision. I know it will be hard, but it will open doors both for other jobs now and possibly graduate school in the future. Please pray the Lord's will would be done.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
An update, such as it is...
Well, it's been a little over a week since I've written. So much has happened, and yet again, not much has happened. Yesterday and today are my first days off after SEVEN days of work. Unfortunately, I don't get Sundays off anymore...I did before my promotion, but no more. If you think of it, pray that this would be resolved. I need a Sabbath.
God has not provided any clearer direction. I don't feel as conflicted as I did, but still have questions as to my calling. I desperately want to help people. I want to be used of God to heal emotional wounds. The problem becomes, how do I pursue this. Seminary might be a good option. The one I'm considering has some free full tuition scholarships. I may be able to attend for free. However, I don't know exactly what to do with the theoretical degree when it is conferred. In another theoretical direction, there is also a place that helps people coming out of cults. I may be able to help there. It may be a good start.
Ideally, I want to be working hands on with people who have suffered, are suffering. This is my heart. Please pray that God would show me the way to live this dream.
God has not provided any clearer direction. I don't feel as conflicted as I did, but still have questions as to my calling. I desperately want to help people. I want to be used of God to heal emotional wounds. The problem becomes, how do I pursue this. Seminary might be a good option. The one I'm considering has some free full tuition scholarships. I may be able to attend for free. However, I don't know exactly what to do with the theoretical degree when it is conferred. In another theoretical direction, there is also a place that helps people coming out of cults. I may be able to help there. It may be a good start.
Ideally, I want to be working hands on with people who have suffered, are suffering. This is my heart. Please pray that God would show me the way to live this dream.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
A calm
It's amazing the calm that comes from relinquishing my will to the Lord's. I have been struggling with just about every aspect of my life. Today, I read in Matthew about not worrying. What a blessing it was for me. I really found relief in prayer and saying to God, "OK, it's up to you." I still don't know what to do, but I have a peace and calm about it. I know the Lord is my God. I have just as many options as ever, but I am at rest. Praise the Lord!
Monday, February 9, 2009
A No Go
I heard from Barnes and Noble in Jersey. While they have a position, they do not offer full time hours right now. In fact they are cutting back on hours in other places as well. Not a good time to be in retail. Because they cannot offer me full time, I can't move home at this point, unless I find another job. Please pray that God's will would be done.
I do feel more comfortable now in TX. I was homesick for a good number of days coming back. It's especially hard because I feel a lack of community due to the fact that I have to work a good number of Sundays. I am looking around at other options for jobs down here that would allow me to rest on Sunday. Again, may God's will be done.
I do feel more comfortable now in TX. I was homesick for a good number of days coming back. It's especially hard because I feel a lack of community due to the fact that I have to work a good number of Sundays. I am looking around at other options for jobs down here that would allow me to rest on Sunday. Again, may God's will be done.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
So, where do we go from here?
Sooo, I'm stuck... I've got all these great ideas and no idea which ones to follow.
1. I could continue to work at Barnes and Noble here.
2. I could work at Barnes and Noble in NJ (or anywhere for that matter).
3. I could apply to teach English in a Christian school.
4. I could work to get my teacher certification via alternate route in NJ.
5. I could go to seminary (granted this sounds a little crazy, but it would NOT be with the intention of becoming a pastor...more like a very educated lay person).
I have decided to make a list of pros and cons for the above. Good grief that's going to be a huge spreadsheet. And how do you decide even with the pros and cons enumerated? Oh I love being an adult...
1. I could continue to work at Barnes and Noble here.
2. I could work at Barnes and Noble in NJ (or anywhere for that matter).
3. I could apply to teach English in a Christian school.
4. I could work to get my teacher certification via alternate route in NJ.
5. I could go to seminary (granted this sounds a little crazy, but it would NOT be with the intention of becoming a pastor...more like a very educated lay person).
I have decided to make a list of pros and cons for the above. Good grief that's going to be a huge spreadsheet. And how do you decide even with the pros and cons enumerated? Oh I love being an adult...
Frustration
Do you ever wonder just what it is that God is doing? Sometimes I get frustrated with the lack of clarity or direction that He allows. I know (theoretically) that it is all part of His plan. I just wish I could see it.
For example, financial insecurity. I don't know about you, but I have trouble making ends meet. Meet? I have trouble getting them close to each other. I work forty hours a week, and still, no go. I get frustrated with the reality that here in TX, I will have to work two jobs to support myself. Then there is the joy of finding said second job. It's hard.
With that said, there is a possibility that I may move home. I hope this is not escapism on my part. More like survivalism (yes, I made that up). I enjoy the freedom I have in TX to an extent. On the other hand, I miss being a part of a family. In some ways, it makes a lot of sense to move back to NJ. Financially it makes a good deal of sense. So why is there some reluctance on my part? I guess I don't want to "lose" myself. I enjoy the ability to come and go as I please. As I say that though, I wonder if that is as it should be, or if that is a function of our "live for yourself" society. Anyway, I'm torn. I can't be in two places at once. It's hard enough doing well in one place. So the question remains, TX or NJ?
For example, financial insecurity. I don't know about you, but I have trouble making ends meet. Meet? I have trouble getting them close to each other. I work forty hours a week, and still, no go. I get frustrated with the reality that here in TX, I will have to work two jobs to support myself. Then there is the joy of finding said second job. It's hard.
With that said, there is a possibility that I may move home. I hope this is not escapism on my part. More like survivalism (yes, I made that up). I enjoy the freedom I have in TX to an extent. On the other hand, I miss being a part of a family. In some ways, it makes a lot of sense to move back to NJ. Financially it makes a good deal of sense. So why is there some reluctance on my part? I guess I don't want to "lose" myself. I enjoy the ability to come and go as I please. As I say that though, I wonder if that is as it should be, or if that is a function of our "live for yourself" society. Anyway, I'm torn. I can't be in two places at once. It's hard enough doing well in one place. So the question remains, TX or NJ?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Change of Plans
Well, it seems like it has happened again... a change of plans. Maybe not yet, but there seems to be a change coming.
For the past year and a half, I have lived in Texas, which has been fine. Recently though (probably the last six months), I have had a desire to move home to NJ. This desire was augmented with my visit home this past week. So, I applied at a local Barnes and Noble with the idea of transferring. I interviewed today, and it seemed to go well. Your prayers that God's will would be done would be appreciated. Should I get the position, I would be moving back roughly a month from date of hire.
With that said, I head back to TX today, through the snow and ice from Newark airport. Hopefully that goes well.
It will be hard to leave TX, but I think the right thing to do. I will miss friends who have, in a sense, become family. However, I think I need to move. I need more accountability and fellowship than I have been getting in TX. Part of that is due to the fact that I currently have to work Sundays. Not good. I need a better support system.
The past year and a half has been a time of growth and a time of stretching. My limits have been tested. It has been hard living 1,000+ miles away from family. I have however made friends I hope will remain friends for life. They have been a continual blessing to me.
I have by no means made a decision yet. I would need to get hired in NJ first. I am hoping to move home, but again, I am waiting on the Lord. His will be done.
For the past year and a half, I have lived in Texas, which has been fine. Recently though (probably the last six months), I have had a desire to move home to NJ. This desire was augmented with my visit home this past week. So, I applied at a local Barnes and Noble with the idea of transferring. I interviewed today, and it seemed to go well. Your prayers that God's will would be done would be appreciated. Should I get the position, I would be moving back roughly a month from date of hire.
With that said, I head back to TX today, through the snow and ice from Newark airport. Hopefully that goes well.
It will be hard to leave TX, but I think the right thing to do. I will miss friends who have, in a sense, become family. However, I think I need to move. I need more accountability and fellowship than I have been getting in TX. Part of that is due to the fact that I currently have to work Sundays. Not good. I need a better support system.
The past year and a half has been a time of growth and a time of stretching. My limits have been tested. It has been hard living 1,000+ miles away from family. I have however made friends I hope will remain friends for life. They have been a continual blessing to me.
I have by no means made a decision yet. I would need to get hired in NJ first. I am hoping to move home, but again, I am waiting on the Lord. His will be done.
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