An unearned privilege

So much of our lives are unearned privileges. Today, I had the privilege of helping an elderly gentleman learn something about computers. He was such a sweet man and had so much patience for something that was so foreign to him. I have a lot to learn about attitude.

Stars and Rest

It has been a long time since I've rested. Even when I have a day off (once a week if that), there are things which must be done. Now granted, this is definitely something I need to work on whether that means streamlining my schedule or some other measure. I know in so many ways that I need rest. It's just a matter of getting it.

In any case, I'm so thankful for last evening. I laid down to sleep and couldn't, so I figured I'd go out and look at the stars. They were beautiful. And I had about 40 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time when nothing else was on my mind or demanding my attention. It was lovely. I felt truly rested when I woke up this morning (not something which happens often). Today is the better for it.

Comfort

The past few weeks have been crazy. Some days I've worked 14 hours (two jobs). That has proven to be difficult. Recently though, things have come together.

It looks as though I will be getting a substantial raise at one job with 18 hours a week in the summer! Praise be to the Lord, who supplies beyond what we ask or think.

I also have submitted GRE scores and my FAFSA to the college where I am hoping to start graduate courses in... JANUARY! My goal is to finish the application for the College of Library and Information Science this week. Thanks for all your prayers. Pending acceptance, I'll be engaging in online courses. (More importantly, I've come to a decision. Shocking!)

That's about it. Hope all is well.

My thoughts and prayer are with my cousin Amy getting married this Saturday. Love you all.

Malaise

Malaise according to dictionary.com is "a vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort."

That's me.

I am currently at work. It's the third day in a row, six hours each day. My official title is "Writing Consultant." I've consulted ONE person in the last 15 hours of work. That session was 45 mins long. You get the idea. I'm not complaining, but there is a WHOLE lot of down time. Well...I guess maybe I am complaining.

I need a real job. Bottom line? I'm scared to death of falling short and certain that I will. There it is in a nutshell. That's the reason I've accomplished just about nothing in the last two and a half years. Part of me can't believe I put that into writing. Part of me hadn't even identified it as a valid feeling.

Even as I sit here, I'm praying over that confession. What other areas is this affecting? It even makes me angry that I've made this agreement with myself.

Wow... that's huge. I am not even sure how to address this one. Thoughts anyone 'cause I'm at a loss!