Malaise

Malaise according to dictionary.com is "a vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort."

That's me.

I am currently at work. It's the third day in a row, six hours each day. My official title is "Writing Consultant." I've consulted ONE person in the last 15 hours of work. That session was 45 mins long. You get the idea. I'm not complaining, but there is a WHOLE lot of down time. Well...I guess maybe I am complaining.

I need a real job. Bottom line? I'm scared to death of falling short and certain that I will. There it is in a nutshell. That's the reason I've accomplished just about nothing in the last two and a half years. Part of me can't believe I put that into writing. Part of me hadn't even identified it as a valid feeling.

Even as I sit here, I'm praying over that confession. What other areas is this affecting? It even makes me angry that I've made this agreement with myself.

Wow... that's huge. I am not even sure how to address this one. Thoughts anyone 'cause I'm at a loss!