Thinking

So, I realized today that I don't think enough. I tend to feel my way through life. This is not at all how I want to live. I need to start thinking about concrete things so that I can function better. For example, I don't want to move. I like my little apartment. However, concrete evidence would tell me that I need to move. Bummer. I also need to get better about things like spending money. I can't spend money just because I want to. There needs to be money to spend and also a reason for spending the money. I'm working on getting better at this, but it's hard. I feel like I made a wrong turn somewhere along the way, and now I'm fighting to get back. It's really an uphill battle.

The Scoop

Well, things are going pretty well here all things considered. Some interesting things have happened recently in relation to my apartment. First let me say that I've grown somewhat attached to my little apartment, despite its small size and no kitchen. So the following information is something of a bummer, especially since I've moved 4 times in the last two years. In the wee hours of the morning, March 18th, I smelled marijuana. I would not normally know what this smells like if a friend hadn't pointed out this smell when we were walking at the local college. Only, the smell in my room was MUCH more concentrated... AND coming through the vents. Goody. I don't know who was smoking it, because there was a party that night. There was also another party until 4am Sunday, when I had to be at work at 7am. THAT was fun... In any case, I talked to my pastor and his wife. They think I should move out as soon as the lease is up (end of April). My landlord of the house I lived in when I first moved here also offered me a room again. So, it looks like I'll be moving once again. Please pray that God's will would be done. Thanks!

God's Grace

Is not our God a gracious God? I'm learning more and more about His grace. Whether it be a timely rebuke or a loving friend, He is gracious to give us what we need. Both the rebuke and the friend came to me this week from the same person. First, a little background. I had prayed a while ago that God would send me a mentor. He did. Of course, I didn't realize that this lovely woman of God was acting as my mentor until well into the relationship. We have been walking together (and losing weight!) and really enjoying each others' company. She is such a blessing to me. Earlier this week, I asked her a question that led into a rather hard to hear rebuke. I'm so thankful she said something though because it was done in love and it was something I needed to hear. Yesterday, I drove this friend to the airport in Dallas, and God softened the rebuke with sweet fellowship. I will still heed the rebuke, but as He promises: a bruised reed He will not break, a smoking flax He will not quench.

I would like to ask for prayer for my friend and her family. Her son and daughter-in-law are full term with a baby that is not expected to live. My friend was traveling to spend about a month with them to help in this tragedy. Please pray that God will give peace in the midst of the storm, and that He would draw near to them in the grieving process. I would really appreciate your prayers for her.

Rainy day...

While yesterday was hot and humid (nigh unto 80 degrees), today is rainy with a current temperature of 43. As I start my day (which happens to be a day off), I am struggling with the desire to be productive. That is, I think I want to be productive, but I don't have much to do. I suppose I could do any of 100 things, but I seem to be stymied. For example, I need to do laundry. Unfortunately, my landlord is away and I need him to get to the washer and dryer. Where do I do said laundry? I could clean (and probably will end up doing this) but surprisingly, my room is not too bad. I do want to sew. I need to make curtains, but the fabric needs to be washed. I suppose I could start on the quilt I bought stuff for a year ago, but I don't have everything I need. So, I am stymied. It doesn't help that on rainy days, I just want to relax and enjoy the calm. Perhaps I can work that in somewhere. So, I'm off. To do what, I'm not sure, but something needs to be done. :)

A Day of Rest

So, today was a good day. I had the day off from work. That's generally a good start. It's been a very relaxing day. I tootled around for a bit, got some lunch with a friend, and went for a long, hard, invigorating walk. I am currently babysitting. Rather, I am supervising a two year old while he sleeps. This too is relaxing thus far. We'll hope it continues to be relaxing.

Meanwhile, stability has been pressed onto my mind and heart. I think the time has come just to stay. It's been a long, bumpy two years. Staying is actually among the harder things I could do, but it seems right. We'll see how it goes. Till next time...

Tired anyone?

Well, we turned the clocks forward again last night. At least I hope you did, or you'll be late for church. ;) I had to work till midnight last night and then go grocery shopping. So I ended up being up till late. I'd say 2 0r 3...new time. And now it's 10 am. I've been up for a half hour, and guess what? I get to be at work in another hour. You can pray that I can get Sundays off again. Or at least work a shift where I don't have to miss all of church. Sundays used to be my favorite day, a day of rest. Now, they're pretty close to my least favorite. Bummer. Anyway, I hope each of you is well. God bless.

Waffing

Waff tr.v. To wave or flutter or cause to do so.

Recently, I have taken to calling myself a waffler. After looking "waffler" up in the dictionary, I decided I am not a waffler, but rather am waffing. In other words, I float from one option to another, as if in the wind.

Recent pseudo-decisions have included, but are not limited to:

Do I move? Do I move home to Jersey? Not just New Jersey, but should I change my living situation here in TX? My lease is up at the end of April, so where does that leave me? (By the way, this caused me to look at apartments to rent now which further confused the situation.) Did I mention that my current landlord told me they liked me so much, they would keep the rent the same when my lease is up? It's a small space, but seriously, I don't think I need to be moving right now. Why do I still want to? It's frustrating.

Jobs? Where do I work? What do I pursue as a career? This has been ridiculous as in the course of a few weeks I went from considering seminary, to teacher certification, to Christian counseling. It is not fun to live in my mind.

So, yes, I do need to make more money. Yes, a bigger place would be nice. You know what though? I think I need stability more than anything else. I need to stop waffing.